What do sex, chocolate and pleasure have in common? Sensuality, playfulness and deliciousness.
Intimacy is defined differently by each and everyone of us and can be experienced differently at different stages /ages of our lives. Sex may be an extension and an expression of intimacy yet someone may have sex and not be intimate per say. For me intimacy is about being authentically who I am and being with another person with my heart wide open. It’s being ok with being vulnerable. Yes, this may vary from time to time perhaps because you guard your heart on some occasions for whatever reasons.
Intimacy is also about being fully present with another person and truly listening with our hearts to their sharing. We welcome them wherever they are in this moment. Many years ago, I also read that intimacy meant the following: into me I see! Yes being intimate with ourselves is key to being intimate with others for the journey of sharing our hearts begins with us. Do you take the time to know yourself? Do you know the longings and needs of your heart? Are you kind and really gentle with self as you may see and experience parts of you that may not feel so good or that you desire to keep hidden from others because you may be judged or fear rejection?
When we choose to fall madly in love with ourselves, we are invited to love all the parts of ourselves: the good, the bad and the so called ugly. Invite love into each of these parts of you with tenderness, compassion and kindness. Ahhh, that feels so much better than being the judge and jury!
Pleasure is something I have been exploring for some time now and I am inviting you to begin exploring how you may reclaim pleasure and make it a part of your daily unfoldings. Pleasure is a powerful medicine that can truly transform you from the inside out. Pleasure is also often associated with what goes on in the bedroom. Yet , in my view it is so much more than that. Why keep it only for the bedroom? What would happen if you chose to close the shop up on your sexual expression? Does this mean you cannot experience pleasure ? Absolutely not!!!!
So today, I invite you to start dating the Pleasure Muse to see what she may have to share and teach you. How do I do so may you ask?
Here are my 5 simple tips to date your Pleasure Muse :
Create an intention to connect with pleasure on a daily basis. Repeat as needed throughout the day. Intention is energy and energy will follow where you choose to focus.
Slow down and be present to your life
When we slow down we are given an opportunity to take an inventory of our life. To really take look at what makes us feel good and to continue to do more of it. When we are caught up in the stress express train of life, it can often be a challenge to find the joys because we are too busy running the roads while checking off the to do list that has several hundreds items on it.
What brings you joy?
Tune into your daily unfoldings and see what brings you joy. It may be as simple as you woke up this morning and have another opportunity to share your brilliance on this earth. It may also be that delicious cup of coffee or tea that you enjoy before the household wakes and kicks into gear. If you are unsure what brings you joy, it’s a perfect opportunity to take some time with a journal and begin to pay closer attention to what lights you up, what brings a smile to your face, what makes you sway etc.
Sensuousness is pleasure
You are a decadent and sensual being. Do you allow yourself to feel into the experiences that are present before you ? Each day you have an opportunity to allow yourself to experience the sensuousness and the beauty of life. We all experience life through our eyes thus your experience may very well be different than mine. When your partner or friend reaches out and hugs you, do you really lean into it and receive the hug or are you in a hurry to move on to something else? For me kissing is sensuous. How about you? Are you present when you are kissing your partner or is it something that is another thing on the to do list or a habit? Bring mindfulness to the moment.
You are invited to dance with your life in all of its endless beauty that is continuously showing itself to us. Engage all of your senses and invite your body into the full experience of pleasure.
Let’s focus on Pleasure not performance
We live in world that talks about sex in so many ways yet is also considered so taboo by many. It can be confusing to say the least. Many have questions or concerns yet are afraid to ask because they feel embarrassed, guilty or ashamed for various reasons. All of this can impact how we choose to show up with a partner whether we are aware of it or not. Sex is not just a body experience though we may have been convinced it is so. For me, sex comprises of all the parts of you: your heart, your body, your mind and your spirituality. When something does not feel right , its important to look at the whole picture and not simply focus on your body and what it is or is not doing.
We live in a world that heavily promotes performance sex. By that I mean: intercourse with our partners with a strong focus on orgasms and quantity. Did you come? Did we have sex this week? How many times? Are we in the normal range, if not is there something wrong with us?
I am also curious to know what happens when our partner is not able for one reason or another to experience and sustain an erection or have an orgasm ? Just so you know, having these experiences are very normal, yet we put so much pressure on ourselves to have that so called perfect sexual exchange. Performance anxiety is real and can impact a relationship.
I therefore invite you to start thinking about it differently. What if you chose to focus on what brings you and your partner pleasure rather than focus on the big O? This does require a shift in mindset and may take some time as we have been deeply hypnotized into this performance mindset. If you are unsure what brings you pleasure then, this is an invitation to play and explore. This means inviting your friend’s curiosity and imagination to join you on the journey. There is so much that can be enjoyed between two people if you intentionally choose to let go of the idea of doing the deed!
Dear gorgeous being, YOU, yes YOU are responsible for your own pleasure (in all areas of your life). No one else is. Please do not delegate the responsibility to someone else. Take the time to know your pattern of arousal. Take the time to know your body and its responses. What does it like? Also be aware of what you dislike. Be open to exploring new things on your own and with your partner. Most importantly, talk to your partner during your encounter and let him or her know where to next or how to shift their touch. Be the confident traffic controller, direct where to next…. Sex is a mutual exchange let’s not make it a guessing game or assume that our partner knows even when we may have shared a long relationship with them. Our bodies change; our tastes change, so share openly with them what you would like to experience more of. Bask in the fullness of your powerful feminine sexual and sensual essence.
Diane Merpaw is a Sexual Wellness Coach and an Intentional Creativity Teacher who inspires and guides women to fall madly in love with themselves. For when they do, they can set the world on fire with their potent feminine essence. She helps women to awaken to their sensual and sexual selves so they may feel more confident and radiant in all aspects of their life. She is gifted at holding sacred space for women so they may explore their inner world feeling supported and loved. She is deeply passionate about witnessing women awaken, unfold and blossom into the most magnificent bloom there is.
How may I get in touch with Diane? WWW.dianemerpaw.com ; 613.270.0267 or email firstname.lastname@example.org